Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
