It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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