They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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