Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
