I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
