I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize