New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
