Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
