I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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