listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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