im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize