If you die in college, do you die in real life?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
