She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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