I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
