I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
