Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize