Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
