id be glad to
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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