it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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