Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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