So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
