got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
