i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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