So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
