watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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