I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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