His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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