Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize