how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
