Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
