Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
