Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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