Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
