dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
