Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
