just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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