I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
