Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
pop tarts are not kleenex
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
