The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
