I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
