make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
