bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This is my gift to your gina
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
