I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
