Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
