break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
