Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
