If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
