Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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