i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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