Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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