some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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