So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
