After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
