im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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