You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
