it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize