Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
