I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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