You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
