I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
