I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
