the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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