My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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