RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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