I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
