You just made me feel so damn special
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
there is puke in my bra ... again
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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