So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
