I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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