Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
