god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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