Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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