her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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