I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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