You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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