so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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