mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
