I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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