so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
